CrimsonDreadwolf09's Blog - page 4

How I'm still on this site.

I'm getting the urge to delete my photos again for the...fifth? Sixth? Time on here. If I hadn't deleted any photos, think it would be a little over 200 by now.

Getting tired of my boobs being called big. I loathe them so much. Unfortunately I have to hear over and over and over again from guys who refer to my boobs as big. I hate them. Want to know why, I explained why a couple times in past blogs.

Perfect women who are tall, skinny, with small perky boobs are the most sought after on NN. The most followed and most featured and most popular are perfect women as what we see on NN's homepage. Yet women who are imperfect like me are put on the back burner and ignored, bullied for our bodies, and just have to put up with the harrassment. I noticed women like me hardly post because of what we see on the homepage, and so end up leaving the site forever.

If you're perfect, you'll have a great time here. If you're not perfect like me, you'll have a Hell of a time here.

I just wasted some nudles.

There's an option to not have ads for a month which costed 3 nudles. I spent them because the ads being shoved in my face is pretty ridiculous.

Welp, still getting ads.

Contacted support, they told me it's for premium members only.

Okay, then why have the option to spend 3 nudles on no ads for a month if it don't work?

Come on now.

Someone knows what photoshop means.

Before I changed my About Me, I requested that someone photoshop my photos to have small perky boobs, and even a flat stomach. Good example is something like what myanny has, she's the epitome of perfection.

Well someone took up my offer...but all he really did was filter my stuff.

Scheiße, I can do that myself.

I wouldn't even begin to know how to photoshop on a phone.

I'm going to feel like an ignoramus considering I've been here five years, but oh well.

Why are there three tit categories?

We got tits, small tits, and large tits in separate categories?

Tits basically can refer to all if you think about it, yet we got two categories for different boob sizes.

Should be just tits.

About something I have thought about, and something I saw a guy bring up in main chat. With alot of people coming to this site as newborns, most of them don't even post photos or have a profile picture. Alot of newbies don't trust the I.D. system, and so they're stuck with a 100% blank profile. I remember NN introduced this in like 2020 or 2021, and most people didn't like it. I was hesitant at first, but thanks to ThePadrino there was a loophole to where you can block out alot of stuff on your I.D..

Even still, some still didn't want to share and either left, or stopped posting but still was active.

With new people coming in almost daily, and like the guy said, NN is just going to be full of accounts with no pictures to speak of and the default profile picture. That might be in the next several years, when people like me and those older than 20 have moved on and stopped posting.

Will NN be xxxxxxxxxx to take that ID thing down? Or will NN shut down the site? Time will tell.

On one hand, it keeps fakes away...or does it?

I remember one woman a few months ago who had a blonde model woman as her profile picture, and her status sounded pretty similar to another account. When I told her she sounded alot like the other user, she automatically deleted her account.

Strange.

Hate that this site more and more, especially when you have to pay for infinite blocks and even to get dark mode.

Was in the chatroom, guy wouldn't leave me alone and didn't know what the word no meant. Reported him to support.

Can't block him, and I'm not unblocking everyone when I DID have premium to make room for him. I guess I have to prepare for more harassment from him. If this keeps up, might have to disappear for a long time again. I'm not paying for a site who treats women like myself shitty because we don't look perfect.

Gotta love NN (sarcasm).

That one day women like me who are chubby, with saggy boobs, and even short will be more accepted and appreciated on this site one day. Too many leave due to the sheer amount of perfect women who are tall, skinny, with small perky boobs ALWAYS being featured and in the top five most followed and most popular. I felt like leaving every time some dude called me a fat ass, and seeing those women.

Every place has its dark side, NN isn't perfect.

As much as I want to go, I don't want to give up. Someone has to stay.

I tremble inside just thinking
About the world around us
Scared, can't help to wonder
(Don't want any changes) about the way we feel
Do you know what I mean? Ohh
Catch me, I'm falling
Say it's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright
I know that we belong
Do you believe in us?
I'll give you all I can
Yes our love will still be strong
Girl, I believe in us (girl I beleive in us)
I'll give you all I can oh oh oh
Time has redefined the meaning of love, the way we know it
Love, the way we show it
(I don't want any changes) when it comes to you
I like us the way it is
(No matter what happens)
Say it's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright
(I know) I know that we belong
Do you believe in us?
Just give me another chance
Yes, our love still be strong
Girl I believe in us?
I'll give you all I can
I don't want any changes (unless you want them too)
Forever ain't long enough, baby (nothing can change us)
Say it's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright
I know that we belong
Do you believe in us? (Yes I do)
Just give me another chance
Yes our love will still be strong
Girl, I believe in us (girl I beleive in us)
I'll give you all I can (ooh oh oh)
I know that we belong
Do you believe in us? (Do you beleive?)
Just give me another chance
Yes our love will still be strong
Girl, I believe in us (girl I beleive in us)
I'll give you all I can
I know that we belong
Do you believe in us? (Do you believe in us?)
Just give me another chance
Yes our love will still be strong
Girl, I believe in us (girl I beleive in us)
I'll give you all I can

It makes me wanna die, die, I wanna die
You said I ruin your life
Love is the devil ahead and the devil doesn't sleep
Baby, take it out on me
Sorry I don't make it easy
Ooh, delicate weapon
Ooh, war in heaven
Ooh
Tell me all the ways I hurt your name
If you could see
You wanna keep me as forever
But it was just all a game
Make me
Truly choose regret
So that I can take the shorter path
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Where are you tonight? Are you tonight?
Baby, it's the worst day of my whole life
Put me outta my misery
Baby, take it out of me
Just reiterate everything
Sorry I can't make it easy
Ooh, delicate weapon
Ooh, war in heaven
Ooh
Tell me all the ways I hurt your name
If you could see
You wanna keep me as forever
But it was all a game
Make me
Truly choose regret
So that I can take the shorter path
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh

When it came to that website, I wrote on alot of stuff, especially dealing with depression, anxiety, and body dysmorphia. I especially wrote alot about BDD, and it still affects me to this day, which is obvious from my photos and pessimistic personality. This is acopy and paste, even my age at that time. There were pictures, but I don't know how to post pictures on here.

And I've been here five years.

"It's an ongoing torture that's for sure.

When I see women who aren't exactly skinny or may have saggy boobs but feel good about themselves, I try to figure out how they do it. How can they say they love themselves when skinny and perky breasts are constantly shoved in your face?

How do they do it?

How do they even brush off nasty comments without crying and whatnot?

How?

It's something I'll never understand, and may never get as long as I'm living on this Earth.

Problems I deal with.

I post nudes online, so that involves taking off half or all of my clothes to take a photo. When I do I have to set my phone up somewhere, and see my naked body in the camera. Instead of feeling proud about it, I feel nothing but disgust about my body. I honestly posted my nudes there as a test to see if guys liked what I got. Apparently some do, something that surprised me every much. Despite positive comments I still focus on the negative, and still complain about my body.

I see my stomach, and think how it isn't flat.

I see my height, and wonder why I'm short for someone at 29 years old. I could easily blend in a high school, as I get mistaken for a 14 year old. I wish I was taller, but that's never going to happen.

I see my 36DDs, and wonder why they couldn't be smaller and perky instead of big with a bit of sag. I also don't like it when they go to the sides when I lay on my back. I have to hold them together with my arms.

I see my face and wonder why I was born ugly. My lips are small and not plump, my eyes are round and not almond shaped, and one eyelid has a problem. My nose also doesn't look good, and I swear one nostril is a tiny bit wider than the other.

I know a Space that allows nudes, and as always the photos posted are skinny women who are also tall with perky breasts. Next thing you know I'm depressed, wondering why I can't look like them. They also get way more upvotes than someone who doesn't look perfect.

Followers try to get it through my head that I should focus on the positives, but it's a hard to.

I guess I have a weak mind.

I have (REDACTED) because of my appearance, and twice (REDACTED) my boobs because I hate them so much. I (REDACTED) them a year ago, and recently (REDACTED) them one time. I start crying as well, wondering why they look the way they do.

Why can't I look like these women?

(I posted a picture of three women wearing bikinis, all skinny with perky boobs and tall.)

Wherever I go whether it's Q, FB, and the stores I can't escape any of this. I question everyday why I don't look perfect, and how people have so much confidence. I wonder too that when they say God made everyone perfect, why didn't he make me perfect?

They also say women are the most beautiful creatures, but why am I not perfect and a most beautiful creature?"

I'll add as I did in previous blog entries: It's hard to accept what society deems perfect. Even this website shoves perfection, despite NN saying it welcomes everyone "imperfect" like myself. I have come across forums where women like me were bullied off being called fat ass or guys telling us to lose weight. Because we don't look like those women we're put in the back and forgotten.