This is not a good blog so if you are not wanting to read about feelings then I would move on and fast
For those of you that are still here thank you for taking the time to read this and apologies if it goes a little astray as I haven't real thought about what I am going to put here....
As you all know well those that know me do anyway... My mother passed away 3 years ago... Quite surprisingly I coped really well and on the anniversary of her death tried to turn it into a positive and did a solo run for 14.5 miles to raise money for Cancer Research... (nearly killed me
and thanks once again to those that supported me and helped me raise just over £1700 ) I still had my Dad at this point and we really became closer than ever just talking and dealing with things, straight after her death. It also gave me an insight into what has to be done so should it happen to my dad I was better equipped to deal with it.
Well about 14 weeks ago my dad, who never bothers anyone with his private life, told me he had been woken up in the middle of the night with terrible pains in his chest and shortness of breath... I tried in vain to get him to hospital to be checked out... my god he is a stubborn sod (his nick name is the Grumpy old 'un
) well two weeks later he started having breathing difficulties... to cut a long story short last week he got so bad he finally relented and agreed to go in to hospital because he just couldn't take the pain any longer... Oh I missed a huge part... he was only seen once by a doctor who never even listened to his chest did not look at him just read his notes off of the computer and gave him some pills (don't get me started on that one
) anyway all other diagnosis was over the phone for what was bout 10 weeks of progressively getting worse to the point he couldn't hold a 3 minute conversation with out being out of breath and having to stop!!!!
On the day of him going in (a week today actually :/ ) an ambulance was called and I made sure he was ready and in the ambulance before shooting off so I was already at the hospital before he got there as I know he hates them and seeing a friendly face on arrival (well my ugly mug at any rate) might make it a bit easier... The ambulance crew were faultless.. (big respect for all Ambulance or paramedic crew you do one of the hardest jobs in some of the most difficult times but you always do it with dignity and honour) we got taken straight in to A&E and looked at the second we walked in the door.... this was about 11 am.
By the time all the tests all the questions and Xrays where done it was about 2:30 pm and they decided he needed to be admitted for at least one night but I was expecting until the following week... All the time we where joking even about my name when the doctors where asking for the forms... I said Rob and my dad corrected me and said Robert....(my mum always used to say bert in a coarse voice if anyone called me Rob so it became a running joke in the family)..
Well as with anything in the NHS (if you live in the UK will know straight away what I mean) resources where stretched!!! so he didn't go down to the ward until 4:30pm...
On the Ward a consultant doctor came down to see us and explained clearly what exactly was wrong with him... It turns out the heart valve he had replaced only 5 years ago was failing... it had shrunk in diameter and was there for not generating enough pressure flow around his heart this in turn meant water had been building up on his lungs causing the breathing issues, on top of this one of his tablets they had given him was to remove the fluid from his lungs but he hadn't been drinking enough for the doss he had been given and the result had dried out his Kidneys... (all in all it was lucky he had survived this long) the normal course of action for the kidneys is to flood the body with lots of fluid an kick start them into life again but they couldn't do that... if they did that he would drown in his own lungs within hours!!!
The only coarse of action they could take was to drip feed the medicine in one arm and drip feed fluids in the other... When I left at about 7:45pm they had both drips going and he was just about as stable as he could be... All the doctors and nurses were confident in the morning he would be happier and in a few days he would be able to go home again.
When the phone rang at 5:45am I answered it ... in pure auto pilot and my heart racing... it was the hospital... my dad had taken a sever turn for the worse and they advised I got down there quickly...
I grabbed what ever was lying around and my car key and got in the car and drove as fast as I could... which considering there was a fog so thick you could only see 10 meters in front of you was not fast at all.... When I got there the look on the nurses face before I even got to the nurses station said what I knew in my heart was true... I didn't make it and he passed away at 6:04am ( you don't realise how hard this is to write.... but I did it with my mum and it helped a lot so I am hoping it works here too) Deep breaths...
My brother was in Dublin on a works conference so couldn't get back so I had to brake the new to him over the phone.... (don't ever have to tell a sibling over the phone if you can at all help it... it was the worst thing I have ever had to do)....
Over the last three years me and my dad have never been closer and the realisation that me and my brother are the last in the line has hit us both very hard (neither of us can have children so we are latterly the last in the line) so he is now gone... he will always be in my heart but I will miss yawning on his sofa (involuntary it was soooooo comfortable) Our Monday evening chats putting the world to rights and anything else that got on our nerves...just knowing he would stand by me no matter what I had done or what had happened to me he was always the head of reason...
So Dad if you are reading this (what are you doing on this site???) or if you can hear this... I love you... and am going to miss you so much...
The funeral is next Thursday and I apologise to my friends on here for not keeping in contact over the next few weeks but it will be a New Year soon and a fresh start... lots of changes and no clue where they will all lead.
Thank you if you made it all this way... and you didn't fall asleep, well done...
Oh and SEB1 .... that's why the rose is black for now.
I hope I haven't depressed your Christmas run up to much and to HH my thoughts are with you as well Sir...
Well big hugs to you all and kisses for the ladies too
Till we talk again have a great Christmas and a Happy New year all
Rob signing Off!!!
;0} x x x
