l0cksley's Blog

Ever have one of those moments when you wonder, what the hell am I supposed to be doing in life?

I had such a moment this week.

Evaluating career, and realizing...there's something better out there for me, but knowing where it is? Good luck!

Evaluating dating, and wondering why it has to be so complicated and frustrating to meet someone who is not a) desperate, b) psycho c) insecure d) unable to give

Evaluating personal goals, when I'll be able to complete those things which mean so much to me...my album, my writing, my "projects"

Evaluating fatherhood, what things I should be continuing to do to be the best father and role model I can be

Woe is me? Not hardly. But self-reflection makes you stop and think every so often about where you are, where you want to go, and just how you're going to get there. Sometimes that process can be quite humbling and making the decision of how to proceed, puzzling.

That's it. Just getting it out of my head.

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

Things are good...thanks for asking.

I said I might pop in here every now and then with an update, and now is one of those times.

I've been trying my hand at this dating thing. Phew, it's tough! But hard work pays off sometimes. In my previous blog I mentioned someone of interest...but I'm not sure much will pan out there, although she still seems pretty cool.

Last night I met someone else for an early dinner at 3 p.m., a date which ended at 2:15 a.m. with a kiss goodnight. Now, for one person to hold my attention for THAT long and leave me wanting more...that's unprecedented. Great conversation throughout the evening and more laughing than I've done in quite a few years. Quite a first impression.

So I'm a little more optimistic about this dating thing, and feeling more and more comfortable letting me be myself. I'd like to think that's a good thing.

That's it from KC...things are going really well on a number other fronts too...work on the album is progressing nicely. Hope this finds you all doing well in your own little piece of the world!

Ciao!
Locksley

Or something like that. Either way, it's interesting how things can change so rapidly.

So after the news last week that I'm now single, I thought I'd dip my toe back in the dating pool to see if I got a nibble (toe = slow and cautious for those curious). Sure enough, I did.

My roommate suggested a free dating site, so I said, what have I got to lose? Initially, it seems to be a good investment of my time. A simple inquiry to one member led to extensive conversations (about 10 hours this weekend) via IM. There are a lot of common interests, including personality types and a passion for community volunteer work. We're going to get together sometime next weekend to hang out, and the following week with others looking to rebuild a floundering civic organization here in KC.

No real expectations, just a curiosity to meet someone with some similar interests, but refreshing just the same. This whole dating thing is pretty new to me. I mean, I was with the same person for more than seven years!

I like having the luxury of picking and choosing, and in no way feel some 'need' to be with someone. But, c'mon, who wouldn't prefer to have someone compatible with whom they can spend some fun time?

That's it for now. I like the occasional blogging, because writing is my release, just don't expect a daily diary (toy!). I might pop into chat from time to time for a short hello, because I like the people and the interaction. But those visits will be intermittent at best.

Ciao for now!

Well, that seems to be the case right now. For the record, no, I'm not back, but since so many have shown an interest in certain elements of my life, I thought I'd leave an update here for those people.

The woman I was dating, of whom you've heard me speak so fondly, told me last night she will not be able to see me anymore. Long story short, she was in a relationship last year with someone in the National Guard, who was then deployed to Iraq; ending the relationship very abruptly. Several months later, she met me and we started dating.

Well, Monday night he called her and said he's back in the States, seemingly for good, and wants to pick up where they left off. There evidently were some strong feelings there, and she really wants to pursue those.

Yes, it's sad, frustrating, and I'm more than a bit bummed. Is this the end of the world? Most certainly not. Am I looking for sympathy by posting this? Again, definitely not. I just thought I'd share with those of you who have been a part of my life in some way or another, in case you were curious what the old Lockster was up to.

Ciao!

by legacy, i mean how i'm remembered. i wrote in my blog because it's what i needed, it's what i felt. i expressed my gratitude to those who had an impact on my life during my time here, but never considered the possibility i might have had an affect on others in the process. the comments received on these last two blogs have me speechless; and you know how tough THAT is! But i'm honoured. and if anything, it furthers my desire to move on, to see if my unique blend of sincerity and sarcasm could somehow help others in life. for the first time in many, many years, i am looking forward to waking each morning and starting a new day.

BUT...
i'm not deleting my account just yet. no, you won't see me in chat, and you likely will not see new blogs, and certainly will not see new pictures. but i cannot push the delete button and make the separation from so many who have been there for me.

SOO....Read the blog below...it's my final creative offering in memory of those who have helped make this an awesome time. Some names, try as I may, I just couldn't work into the story!

L-

so i turned off the computer after saying my final farewell to NN, but knowing in my heart of hearts, it wouldn't be the last time i talked to those *ditzybutsexy* people. i was hungry, but sad, so i took my *Maple Sugar* covered pancakes outside, and had breakfast under the *willow* tree.

maybe *itsjustme*, but it seems like the entire neighborhood is out today. i pop a *juicy* *Strawberry* into my mouth, and wow, it's a *Shooter*! *thedude(4886)* walking down the street gets a laugh at my expense, as does the *sexy mom of 4* next door (but she's a sexy *Jersey Girl*, so i don't mind).

my thoughts focus back to my breakfast so the *PerkyGirl* walking by doesn't make me choke...although a little *mouth2mouthcertified* action wouldn't be such a bad thing right now. I mean, she is a *cute lil cajun one*, or is she a *littlefrenchgirl*? I dunno...I suppose i'm not *coolenough* for her to be both.

i step back inside to a ringing phone, and it's my *valleybud*, *michael(1)*, who wants to know if i'll join him and *depotguy*, cuz of the store he manages, for some drinks an for lunch. sure thing, right?

so i turn off the t.v...muppets? hmm...i always thought there was something perverted about that *gonzo* guy, and some spoof with *chewiebacca*? yeah, i need to step out.

a few minutes and four screeching tires later, and *da toy*, as i call it, comes barreling up in my driveway...the *Platinum Wolf* HE calls it, then out bounces his girlfriend, his *Sexy Angel(32)*, i'm told. apparently lunch is turning into a party. i squeeze into the back next to her girlfriend thinking, damn *aprilsahottie*! (i wonder if she's a *badkitty*?)

we pull up to this brand new "mega-sports bar", *Starrfly*, which i've been meaning to try. *Miss Jayne* is all too happy to strut her stuff as she walks us to our table, right next to a very *sexyaussiecpl*, from the sound of it. i begin to question the large table, when i'm suddenly introduced to *Marie & John* and *jacknjill*, who will be joining us. more people are coming.

i peruse the menu selections, eyeing their special of the day, a tempting *coco rosie*, but not wanting to have *onionbreath* in front of these new friends, i opt for the ever-succulent *honey turkey*. a new guest arrives, and we play a game of musical chairs, which has me seated between two lovely new faces. i need to remember their names. they were said so quickly. was it *JayLyn*? hmm, and the cute little asian girl, did i hear *Benjie (Thai?)* perhaps. but one of them is wearing the most exquistite fragrance...wow...simply a *lilac dream*!

one of the new girls has quite the loud laugh, and announces to the crowd, "i know *imalilhothead*, and i'm a *slut4a3way*, but y'all come to love me!" i shrug my shoulders...i guess she's a bit of a *scarylady* after all. Our good friend *Sall(inque)*, the manager, stops by to be sure everyone's ok (and to hit on one *very-very-bad-girl* at our table). He's a *MDguy*, so we chat about old times when we can, and his lovely sister, *Anya(32)*. I had such a crush on her; i was like *taffyam* and pm when around her.

my memory is disrupted by the bartender, *captal(22)* he calls himself, and wants us to try his new drink *redpenpete*, because too many, and it'll totally erase your memory of the night! Night? wow...it's 7:30 already! Time flies when yer havin' fun!

Just like my time with all you great folks! Cheers and ciao!

For those I missed last night or earlier today in the chatroom, the fondest fairwell, and God's blessing to each of you.

I'm planning to make one final blog entry later or tomorrow, as a tribute, rememberance, and otherwise thanks, to those who have helped me through a very trying period of my life.

Locks-

Alas, this time it's not a joke. I took some time away to handle some pressing matters in life. It was a good thing, and I felt better having addressed some previously overlooked things. Granted I snuck in more that I expected (as a guest or via blog), but I also had some time to reflect.

I do not come by my decision easily, and it saddens me a little to do so. My nearly 18 months here have rewarded me in so many ways, and not simply for entertainment value. I've learned a lot about myself...feeling better about my appearance after losing so much weight in '05, and letting my self-esteem build back a little after my #$#@$ ex-wife cheated on me and then asked for a divorce. It was a comfort to have a forum for expressing myself and enjoying the company of others.

That last part is what makes this choice so difficult. I never expected to meet so many interesting people, and further, become close friends with some in the process. Amazing that people from different parts of the country, different backgrounds, can meet via a site like this, and befriend one another. I'll refrain from trying to single out those folks who have had an impact on me, because I'd have a list the length of my...well...it would be long. But...I sincerely hope you know who you are, because I won't forget you.

My introduction to the blogs has awakened my passion for writing and I will continue to write on a daily basis. Serious work on my album begins this weekend, as I finish two more songs and work on some preliminary recordings of a few covers.

Again, this decision is not without some hesitancy, but I feel very strongly I need to focus my attentions on other areas of my life, those things which allow me to grow. As such, I can be a better dad, friend, and be happier with who I am. My heart is falling fast for a special woman you've all heard me reference in previous blogs, and a series of exchanges with her today made me realize this is the best option for me. As much as I love looking at the beautiful women on this site, I cannot help but think about the beautiful woman awaiting me, who may/may not feel comfortable with my 'perving'. Her love is far more important to me than anything a photo or video on this site may offer.

So I close (finally, right?) by saying thank you to all. For those who listened to me rant, who trusted me enough to share some personal things in their life, and to those who were there for me in ways they probably never knew (i.e. Christmas and New Years). I'll be forever grateful, and will remember you fondly, each in your own way. If you'd like to keep in touch in the future, please PM me some contact information...Yahoo/MSN IM is preferred, but e-mail is cool too. I won't be deleting my account until this weekend.

Ciao for now...
Keith, a.k.a. Locksley

whether 'tis nobler in this forum to suffer
the barbs and laughs of outrageous comments
or to write more against a sea of misfits;
and by posting end them; to chat, to sleep;
who knows; and to sleep to say we allow
the excitment and the thousand natural photos
this site is heir to, 'tis a compilation
devoutly to be watched. To chat, to sleep;
to sleep: perchance to dream: ay, of the rub;
for that in sleep of perves wet dreams may cum
when we have fingered off this mortal tool,
must give us pause: there's the effect
that makes for revelry of the blog;