gpflem's Blog - page 2

I had written him a letter which I had, for want of better
Knowledge, sent to where I met him down the Lachlan, years ago,
He was shearing when I knew him, so I sent the letter to him,
Just ‘on spec’, addressed as follows, ‘Clancy, of The Overflow’.

And an answer came directed in a writing unexpected,
(And I think the same was written with a thumb-nail dipped in tar)
’Twas his shearing mate who wrote it, and verbatim I will quote it:
‘Clancy’s gone to Queensland droving, and we don’t know where he are.’

In my wild erratic fancy visions come to me of Clancy
Gone a-droving ‘down the Cooper’ where the Western drovers go;
As the stock are slowly stringing, Clancy rides behind them singing,
For the drover’s life has pleasures that the townsfolk never know.

And the bush hath friends to meet him, and their kindly voices greet him
In the murmur of the breezes and the river on its bars,
And he sees the vision splendid of the sunlit plains extended,
And at night the wond’rous glory of the everlasting stars.

I am sitting in my dingy little office, where a stingy
Ray of sunlight struggles feebly down between the houses tall,
And the foetid air and gritty of the dusty, dirty city
Through the open window floating, spreads its foulness over all

And in place of lowing cattle, I can hear the fiendish rattle
Of the tramways and the ‘buses making hurry down the street,
And the language uninviting of the gutter children fighting,
Comes fitfully and faintly through the ceaseless tramp of feet.

And the hurrying people daunt me, and their pallid faces haunt me
As they shoulder one another in their rush and nervous haste,
With their eager eyes and greedy, and their stunted forms and weedy,
For townsfolk have no time to grow, they have no time to waste.

And I somehow rather fancy that I’d like to change with Clancy,
Like to take a turn at droving where the seasons come and go,
While he faced the round eternal of the cash-book and the journal —
But I doubt he’d suit the office, Clancy, of ‘The Overflow’.

A judge asked a young defendant why he was in the dock.

"For getting in some early Christmas shopping" replied the defendant.

"Early shopping for Christmas?" exclaimed the judge. "That's not a crime! Mr Prosecutor, why is this young man in my court?"

"Well Your Honour" , said the Prosecutor, " he was found shopping for Christmas BEFORE the shops opened".

A couple were walking in St Petersburg square when they felt a slight precipitation.

The man said "Its raining"

"No its snowing" said the woman.

"How about we ask this communist officer here" exclaimed the man. "He is always right!"

"Officer Rudolph is it raining or snowing?" They asked.

Definitely raining" replied Rudolph and he walked away.

The man turned to his wife with a smile and said, "See, Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear"

Orlando

All the toilets in Melbourne's police stations have been stolen.

The police have nothing to go on.

All the toilets in Melbourne's police stations have been stolen.

The police have nothing to go on.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning

We will remember them.

Lest we forget

Barbara was lying in bed one night. Fred was falling asleep but Barb was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me...
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck..."

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Barb asked..

"To get my teeth!"

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.

She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?

Bessie thinks a minute and replies, "Close enough!