feistyfaerie's Blog - page 3

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Love.

An elusive, yet humble feeling.

Must you always be something that time can let go of as you find the boundaries of where my soul hides.

The truth is something I haven't yet found in Love. Then again, you - Love - tend to take up the fabrics of my being only to let me tear from your torture.

I'm just that fool you wanted to see again. Mocking at my feelings just to see that vulnerable side you like to see.

But no more.

In frustration and an irritated fashion I pick myself up, stand tall, look deeply into you as your world no longer consumes me.

You have lost your power over me. I forbid you to ever set foot near my soul. Your torture will never feed on me again.

Been dealing with sick days, days with next to no stamina, migraines and repairing my body from when I went to an amusement park with my cousin and his girlfriend.

We had a blast, yet one of the rides did alot more to an old injury of mine from when I hit black ice on the highway back in January of 2007. The last month has been me trying to get my physical health back, new training for my dog, while looking for some new ways to get active.

So far I've been cleared to returning to the gym as of a week ago or so. My thyroid levels are normal, yet from a recent purchase of new shoes for the gym I've found myself with next to no stamina at all.

I was so sick one day (same day my dog was neutered) and I didn't make it to the bathroom in time. Scared the shit of my cat and my dog wouldn't settle down until he saw I was all right.

Oddly I've not felt like myself lately in another sense, but that could be because of the fact that I've decided to get rid of using birth control. Due to my thyroid I would rather get rid of something that no longer benefits my body.

So far, that's all that has really been going on aside from me listening to some 'self help' stuff. Personally I'd rather consider it guidance advice.

This video pretty much encapsulates how I feel when the sun is gone. I feel hollow and all I wish is to feel a little less numb.

I live with toxic people and I feel alone and partially dead. I don't want this anymore. I feel as if I'm going insane.

Robin Williams once said, "I used to think that being alone was the worst thing in the world. It's not. It's being with people that make you feel alone."

This is a quick update to tell you that yes, while I am here I'm finding it tougher to be on the site.

While you may think it's because of how many times I've been stood up for sexual encounters, it's not.

It's because I find it harder to do much of anything once the sun is gone. I easily fall to depression once it gets cold. I'm trying to combat it, but it's just not as easy.

I may be more active once spring comes around again. Until then, I will be patchy on the site since I'll be struggling to deal with mental health issues among daily life.

Take care while I am away. There are many of you that I will try to keep in contact with.

Part One

Part Two

My favorite part would be, "I would fuck you from ass to mouth just to shut you up, I would do that."

It's Monday, this entire thing makes me laugh. Calls himself a freak, which also makes me laugh but maybe JUST maybe it makes one realize who keeps it real.

This shit is funny and there's a lot more of it, too.

Sometimes I feel like all I ever do is run from things. People that I want away from - problems that I don't want along with the issues with them.

But when you've been places you don't want to be and you don't like how you feel in the situation, you have no option but to make yourself feel better. Because it's easier to run than to feel like you're running past a hazardous area that you know nothing about.

It's a safety mechanism like a gun lock. You can only leave yourself vulnerable for so long before you feel unsafe. For me? I've learned to be very aware of these feelings and be ready for anything good or bad depending on the situation.

I've only ever run into one person who has seen past that all of that and understood with my reasoning with assurance and was willing to hear me out would be the person who introduced me to NN: FalconTex. It's more or less praise to him for giving me some hope that maybe I don't have to run as much as I think I do.

I want to be happy like so many others want to be as well, yet I'm aware life won't be rainbows and butterflies everyday and I'm all right with that. I guess in a way you could say that my friend helped me dust off a few of my old wounds and see better outcomes. For that I am forever thankful for him to seeing things as they are.

I logged in today and the culprit was online, then logged off immediately. I was like, "Oh, fuck this shit." I deleted him right then and there along with anywhere else I know him.

I'm done. While I'm at it, have a song from my inner sexy self. Because if I could become similar to someone but with my own style it'd be Kylie Minogue. Enjoy.


I won't take shit from anyone. You can go ahead and think I'm a bitch for it but I'm not going to be the shoe-in any longer. I'm not an advocate for girl power but I'm headstrong enough where I refuse to be treated poorly.

You know, I realize I may be off the grid. I don't live in the city and all but how fucking hard is it to find ONE person who actually gave a shit and would actually come to see me for once?

I can tell you one thing though if they did show up that would be a first for me and for once I would feel like someone gave a flying fuck about me. Hell I'd be so impressed I may even die from shock. Or I might even bake a dozen cookies for them!

I'm tired of being the only one who is willing to do anything. I have flown to the southern states just to be with someone once.

I'm either crazy or just want someone to love me so much than I'm willing to do anything for it. But if the other person doesn't reciprocate that then I'm sorry - GET THE FUCK OUT.

There's the door. Seriously. Don't fucking waste my time. I might be needy but I certainly don't fucking need you if you can't carry your own weight.

This is all I have to say about Miley Cyrus. The minute you mention their name you are giving her publicity.

This is my reply to anything aside from Daft Punk, One Republic, or John Mayer:


Homey don't play that.