arabella_topaz's Blog

Omg, I haven't been on here in AGES...missing my writing here (and the capability to say what I want without people getting upset). I haven't been on here initially because my ex ex had insecurity issues...and my last ex broke up with me before we ever got on here together...which is unfortunate because well, stuff.

I would've gone anywhere, done anything and everything...eventually. But when it comes to men, a bi girl needs to know she's enough.

Oh well; I struggle with my mental illness, I struggle with life in general...and all I'm dying for is a soul to understand me.

And want sex at least as much as I do

Omg, I haven't been on here in AGES...missing my writing here (and the capability to say what I want without people getting upset). I haven't been on here initially because my ex ex had insecurity issues...and my last ex broke up with me before we ever got on here together...which is unfortunate because well, stuff.

I would've gone anywhere, done anything and everything...eventually. But when it comes to men, a bi girl needs to know she's enough.

Oh well; I struggle with my mental illness, I struggle with life in general...and all I'm dying for is a soul to understand me.

And want sex at least as much as I do

Excited cause I found a dress Saturday and it fits really well. I'll probably still look around, but I'm so relieved I won't have to order one online. Well, I have therapy in roughly an hour and fifteen minutes...where I'm probably going to talk about my adoptive parents. My adoptive father has stage 4 lung cancer. I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, there was a lot of abuse growing up in that house...but he's also the only father I've ever known. And it wasn't all bad. I know what I'm doing, procrastinating; it's a way of avoidance.

Nothing like accidentally jumping back a couple web pages rather than deleting a couple lines. Oh well. I hadn't written very much anyway; on account of me being a bit worn out from spending the weekend sick and still getting over it. So I've had a very uneventful week (where the most excitement I got was from watching the very sexy Lost Girl's Anna Silk washing a car. Oh. My. God.}

From my (brief) hike last Wednesday.



Nicest flowers I've ever gotten; all but the roses were purple.



My new friend; he loves playing catch for hours...definitely not a dog for lazy people.


Been so busy. The wedding is only four months away. Getting some ideas for the cake decorating. Can't find the tools I need around here, but I'm going to a car show/shopping trip next month and hopefully I'll find what I need (so I won't have to order anything online.) If I'm lucky, I'll find something to wear cause if I order something online, I'll most likely have to have it custom made. Most places I've looked at online have weird sizing charts where I'd have to order something way too big just to fit my chest. And most of them don't have things in teal which is what I want.

Wishing spring would hurry up and get here.

Making the boyfriend brownies and writing a poem for him for valentine's. At least, I'll attempt writing one. That is what I'm going to be doing tomorrow. (I was going to do the poem a couple weeks ago but he said something incredibly stupid that I didn't even want to speak to him for a day and then I wasn't sure I still wanted to do that.) Still being cautious. Every once in awhile, I think about those butterflies, the kind that make it hard to eat or sleep, but then I remember how much I hate riding roller coasters. (And how disappointing it was to find that I only thought the sex was amazing because of those butterflies and excess adrenaline and whatever whacked out pheromones and hormones that decided to have a party in my body.) I know love isn't supposed to be logical but that's what I prefer as opposed to being at the mercy of emotions that don't make any sense.

Anyway, he asked me if I want to watch some, you know, porn, and of course I said yes. Trying not to think about it too much, though, cause I have two days to wait and no guaranty I'll have much private time. I have brownies to bake and a poem to write anyway.

I've been going through stuff in my basement for two weeks. I've been bored with it since mid-last week but I'm tired of seeing the mess whenever I go down there. Went to a funeral cause that's what girlfriends are supposed to do. Some days I just want to be alone, though. He usually calls me a few times a day. I usually tolerate it cause relationships are supposed to be about compromise but I have told him so many times not to call when he's driving. Anyway, when I found out he was driving, I said good-bye and hung-up on him.

Kinda excited; going to see these guys in concert. And I've never been to a rock concert before. (Although my parents did force me to go to a "Peter, Paul and Mary" concert once.)

Didn't make it to the ice caves...got a little over-zealous with my foot care and my poor tootsies were rather painful to hobble around on, let alone go on a few mile-long hike. Maybe this weekend. Next weekend, at least Friday, I'm busy. I'm not a big fan of Valentine's Day, but my boyfriend is a huge romantic. Going out for dinner, and that's a child free week for him. Last weekend was, too, but I had a very awkward situation. I had just gotten out of the shower so there I was, sitting in the living room perusing seed catalogs in my tanktop and undies (cause I hate putting long pants on after a shower) and his kids just popped in with no warning. Thankfully, I was under a huge quilt but it I still felt incredibly uncomfortable.

I thought it would be an excellent idea to hike Wednesday after therapy, especially after two snow days. Maybe it would have been a better idea if I'd gone somewhere other than the lake. Tomorrow, I may be going to the ice caves around the Apostle Islands. Depends mostly on the weather. (And I need to find appropriate boots; mine are a low wedge heel, not meant for hiking.)