jnkcllctr's Blog

Well it took longer than a year to even get an email from JMH. All who have been following my blog, will know what i am talking about. I got an email yesterday. Not a word about how i am doing and no mention of how he is doing. All his concern was about knowing if he should give me back the lingerie, sexy stuff that he has had in his garage all this time. Like WTF? Why would i want it back? just to remind me and get hurt all over again. I have truly learned from this and getting these things back will only bring it all back.

I have accepted the fact that all this was bound to happen and have placed myself in "his shoes". That has helped me through. All the friendships along the way have helped me as well. You all know who you are. You comments are appreciated. jnkcllctr

Well my fellow NN friends - it's been a year since i've talked to him or even seen him.

Those of whom know who im talking about must apparently talked to me numerous times and have remained my true friends.

Those of whom don't can read them in previous entries here.

They say time heals, true. I have accepted the many things i have gone thru since that day a year ago. I have placed myself in his shoes many a time as well. I can only wish him well. I can move on knowing we are all human, we all make mistakes and we learn from them.

Maybe the grass isn't always greener on the other side. And the song still hold true - IT'S CHEEPER TO KEEP HER.

One thing remains. I will never forget him. I'll remember, for the most part, those Five years were good and I have many memories of the good times we did share.

Good luck in your journey J M H

Hey newbie friends. I have entered info on the forum yesterday under general and entitled "Will he leave his wife?" Please read and respond if you wish. Would appreciate your input! Regards - Jnk

Thank's to my special friends on NN. I was blessed to of Chatted with many of you. Even in the diffucult times that I have had. Thank you for remaining true and great friends. Your thoughts, chats, and imput do not go unnoticed.

We are in this world for a purpose. We all do and say things for a reason. The outcome isn't always how you want it, but that is life. The world is always full of questions, doubts, dislikes, and hurt. We all overcome them in time.

We hold to those precious moments because we are human, we are alive and we are geared to do so. And when all is said and done, we all end up in the same place. We all have to face our maker in the end and answer to only Him.

I pray that he at least thinks about all the good times we had and ends his chapter of living a double life and I can move on with mine. But I'll always Love him.

Now I must face the world with open arms and an open heart. Who ever ends up with my heart will know how much I care and this time, will not let go. I am indeed, UNLIKE NO OTHER.

They say people come into your life for a reason. I knew my reason. I knew my feelings, my thoughts, my love was real. I cared, I loved with all of my heart. My heart was broken many times, but i somehow came back many a time. Now I can't come back. I need to heal and i need time. How could I've so so blind to all of this? Did I not want to see that reality? They say everything happens for a reason. It could have been worse and it wasn't. Why? because somewhere, somehow, i had someone watching over me.

I was his fantasy. The one to dress up for his pleasure. The one to put back in the closet until it was time to play again. Was I sexy in these things? In his eyes yes. But agian, only for his pleasure.

But my feelings were real. I didnt care about the materialistic things. I loved him for the person he was. For the person he is inside. Knowing him online lets you see them from the inside out. Meeting them in real life is much better. It's supposed to be anyway, right?

I knew him and loved him for five years, but was this real on his end? was I just his fantasy? Now that mistakes happened in our relationship, which made it come to a screatching hault, where is he? Where are the emails? the calls, the texts.

I know I need to move on, even though he said his feelings for me have not changed. Which brings me to another question. If he cared so much, I woulda received some sort of communication. Instead, I am left here wondering, wishing and hoping that those feelings were not in jest. That I was not the plaything. But it all looks like I was, right?.

So i'm left here with mixed feelings, mixed emotions and above all, it is taking a toll on me as a person. I'm not the person I once was. I wanna be happy and i want my life back. I want someone i can relate to, as i know many have had this (or soemthing like this) happen to them.

I've been in NN longer than I've known him. I know some of you and know you as friends to support and help me with your input. Be honest, be frank, say what's on your mind. I need this to heal from the hurt.

His conscience and what he did to me (although he probably thinks he never did anything) will catch up to him eventually. The people who he has impacted because of this are blinded by his lies...and that too will catch up with him.

Have you ever had a time in your life when you think no one cared? Oh believe me i've had my share. I ask myself, why me? what did i do to deserve this treatment? why all of a sudden no contact with me? Was I used? Was I stupid and did not see it for almost five years? Most of you that know me, know who I am talking about. But only one of you knows what a special friend you have become to me.

It is true that in life a chapter is closed and another one is opened up for you. You learn from your mistakes and try to move on.

I was blessed to meet a person who really cares and really listens. That is rare nowadays.

I thank all of you who remembered me when i came back and was happy to see alot of you in the chatroom.

The saying still goes "what goes around, comes around". Your conscience will catch up with you someday. You cause people unhappiness, you shall also suffer that unhappiness someday.

Be careful out there. ((((hugz)))) jnkcllctr