LushLuce's Blog - page 4

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

( Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Well, I was looking for something to blog about and by fuck do I have something now!! To vent about anyways.
What a FUCKING day.

Get up at the crack of dawn this morning to get to doctors appointment by 8:30. Normally, this is a half hour - forty minute drive, but I left an hour early, peak hour and all. I get in the car, start reversing out the carport and hear WHAM. Panic.

**OH FUCK I'VE HIT A KID ON THEIR BIKE!!**

is my first thought. Anyway I haven't. Oh no, the fucking wheelbarrow that's resting up against the wall decided to come crashing down at that very moment onto the side of my car. Without me even nudging it. How lovely. I start getting angry about now, try getting out the door of car and because of the STUPID FUCKING HILL I HAVE FOR A DRIVEWAY the door slams onto my leg, so now I have a giant egg on my shin. That's TWO things gone wrong before I even go anywhere.

**Insert moment of psycho anger inflicted on wheelbarrow**

I get back in car knowing if anyone had just witnessed my psyching on the wheelbarrow they would have been pissing themselves laughing. It's about this time I need a smoke. But o no I’M NO LONGER A FUCKING SMOKER!!!!!! Perfect. Just perfect.

Anyone who has been in the car with me when I'm pissed off knows it's not pretty. Today however is one of my worst. No cunt knows what MOVE THE FUCK OVER means. They just putt along in the fast lane not even doing the speed limit. Oblivious to people behind them. Ignorant fucking cunts. Frustration plus. And every orange light. Not red, orange. With fucks in front of you that slow down while it's still green and slam on the brakes when it turns orange. I'm now at the taking anger out on steering wheel, swearing and flashing lights stage, giving anyone around me something to chuckle at. Pretty pathetic when I look at it now but at the time I would have happily run some fuck off the road. Dunno how some people get their fucking license dumb fucks. Honestly, who the fuck slows down on a fucking green light just ‘encase’ it fucking changes?

Anyway I get to the doctor 15 mins late in an oh so wonderful mood, takes ages to park because more incompetent fuckwits that shouldn’t have a licence seem to think that it takes two fucking bays to fit their gay ass little match box fucking cars between the lines. (BTW the only thing that should come in 2L is milk). How hard is it to park a fucking car? Or to even straighten the cunt up once parked? It’s common courtesy if nothing else.

So now I'm inside trying to stop thinking about needing a smoke and flicking through a magazine when some woman sits next to me. There are a million chairs free why does she insist on sitting right next to me. And she stinks. BO. How hard is it to shower? Just as I am about to get up to move away, she lurches forward AND FUCKING SPEWS!!!! Like porridge. OMG the smell. It takes about 30 seconds for me to start retching, and I run outside trying not to spew, looking to see if the splash back is on me anywhere. It's not, I would have died.

Not a good morning.